The Most Important Days of My Life

1,380 days ago I said "I love you" to the man that I will marry, for the first time.

1,387 days ago, I became a Mama.

1,279 days ago, I became a Mama again.

342 days ago, I became a Mommy.

I walked into a bar on April 20, 2008 having just turned 21, 6 days earlier. On my first ((legal)) adventure to a drinking establishment, I walked through the door to meet for drinks jointly celebrating my birthday as well as a friends. I walked in and was greeted by smiles and familiar faces. I was introduced to a not so familiar ((but very cute)) face, standing at the bar. I was told he was a friend of my friend, and that he was going through a rough time in his life and needed a fun night out. Even through his smile, and his jokes....I saw sadness in his eyes. We ended up out on the back porch together at the bar, and I was amazed at how easily conversation flowed with him and how quickly giggles turned to laughter. He told me stories and showed me pictures of his 4 year old, and I melted at his love of being a Father. Here he was, standing in the middle of a bar....and all he wanted to do was scroll through cell phone pics of his little man eating chicken nuggets and tell me stories of how silly he is for dunking them in the caramel sauce that was meant for the apples that came with his meal. My cheeks hurt from laughing, and I remember at one point I had almost kissed him....but I didnt. A few drinks turned into a few hours, and he and a few friends decided to walk back to my apartment with me after the bar closed. On our way out the door he picked me up, and threw me over his shoulder and RANNNNNN down the street with me. I remember kicking and screaming and smacking him when he put me down. I hadnt flirted so hard in a WHILE. ((lol)) We got back to my apartment, having gotten a few 6 packs to start our early morning hours with, friends started leaving and heading home. The numbers dwindled until it was just 4 of us. My other pair of friends found the couch and sleep followed. Sean and I stayed up and watched 'Finding Nemo' on repeat for 4 hours, talking as the sun came up. After hours of sharing a love seat and having our hands "accidentally" touch from time to time....I was dyinggggg for a kiss. I finally realized that (A) he wasnt interested or (B) He was slow to catch on. I took a bold step, and in the end I got my kiss....to which i stated, "Took you long enough" ((HA!)) He was so embarrassed! He got a ride home with a friend, and made sure he got my number before he left. Once he was gone something strange happened....I missed him......missed him a lot. I went to sleep, exhausted from staying up all night. I woke up soon after hitting my pillow, to LOUD knocking at my door. Figuring it was someone obnoxious since I wasnt expecting anyone, I did what any polite girl would do....STAYED IN BED! haha Finally, after about 10 minutes I couldnt take it and went to the door. Standing in front of me was Sean. We didnt say anything. Just looked into eachothers eyes. I walked away leaving the door open. I walked into my room and crawled into bed to finish sleeping. He climbed in next to me and held me close, he held me like it was routine...like he was expecting to hold me that way every morning for the rest of our lives. I fell asleep like that, listening to his heartbeat fall into sync with mine.

3 days later we took a mdnight walk to a park in town. We stood on the baseball mound, and looked up at the stars. We wlaked over to the swings and talked about our future. He pushed me on the swing for a long time, until he caught me...and held me still. Their was enough light shining from the moon to see that his eyes were glassy and he looked scared. I asked what was wrong and he said, "I think I'm in love with you". And that was the start of the rest of my life. <3

4 days later Sean brought Gavin to a park near my apartment to meet me. I was literally about 3 seconds away from throwing up out of sheer nervousness. All I could think was that he wouldn't like me, or he would think I was trying to take his Mother's place. I was racking my brain to try and figure out how to make the BEST first impression, and to make him feel comfortable. In the midst of my panic attack, Sean and Gavin pulled into the parking lot, and I almost peed my pants. We walked into the park together, and I was so focused on NOT messing anything up that I tripped over my own flip flop and BUSTED my butt right in the middle of the playground. Mortified, and 32165410234 shades of red, I looked up to see Gavin looking down at me. He plopped onto the ground next to me and said, "I like you, Colie! You're silly!" And that was the start of my Adventure in Mama-Land. <3

81 days later, Sean and I crawled into bed. The moment the light was clicked off....he got news that he needed to head to the hospital, Holden Archer was on his way. I was left for the loneliest night of my life. I snuck into Gavin's room while he slept, and curled up into a ball next to him. I was so fearful of what this new baby meant, and what my role would be. I became restless in Gavin's bed, and got up to get some air. I stood outside with the "baby" monitor in hand to listen to my Gavin sleep. I had about a pack and a half of Newports while I waited. I got a call at almos 7am, saying baby boy was born. I was over the moon proud and happy for Sean, although I knew this day was bitter sweet for him. We had had a long hard road together through Holden's pregnancy....he had felt abandoded and left out, he had missed out on tummy rubs and late night runs to the convenience store to buy ice cream for the awaiting Mommy. ((I will admit I was MORE than happy to make silly requests at odd hours as a sort of placebo. ( i gained about 11 lbs during a pregnancy that wasnt even mine!!! LOL And strangely enough....I think it really did help him to feel like a Daddy with a little one on the way. I wonder if he ever caught onto my trickery? lol)) Sean came home, and scooped Gavin up to go see Baby Brother and Mommy at the hospital. And I was left alone. For the first time since I met Sean::::: I panicked. And not the little panic. The BIG kind. I was about 3 seconds away from packing a bag and getting into my car and peacing out, when I got a text, just 4 simple words::: "Our baby is beautiful". My dizziness went away, all my fear raced away with it. I knew Sean was coming home from the hospital that day, and bringing Gavin home with him. And even though I wasn't able to go and visit Baby Holden that day, I knew my place was with him...and his brother....and with his Daddy. I wouldn't get to hold Holden for another 17 days. We didnt have a banner, or a cake waiting at home for us when we brought him home for the first time. We didnt have more than 10 outfits, we had a mismatched set of bouncer, swing, bassinet, and crib. We had a handful of bibs, and about 6 bottles. It was messy, and disorganized, and CHAOS. But....it was the most beautifully confusing time of my life. Holden came into this World, on a night where I was lost and feeling alone. And when that little man landed softly in my arms for the first time, I had never felt so at home. It was that night that I knew I had a FAMILY <3

937 days later, Nola Ainsley was born. I had finally had the experience of carrying a baby inside of me. Feeling her grow, watching her move beneath my skin as I rubbed my tummy. I got to enjoy the feeling of having Sean crawl into bed next to me, and place a pillow near my belly so he could sleep next to her. I have never felt so close to anyone before in my life. My pregnancy brought us closer than we already were. It was the most beautiful time of my life. Driving over an hour to get a free belly cast done from a local artist, shopping for PINK baby clothes, deciding on a name, taking pictures of my belly with the boys...every moment was bliss. Labor and delivery was where Sean really impressed me. He is usually the emotional mess out of the two of us, and I am usually the strong one. ((OMG he's gonna kill me! LOL)) But, in that hospital room waiting for Nola to arrive, he was so tender and so attentive. I had ice chips and cool rags before I even knew I needed or wanted them. He was constantly puttin my slippers on me, only to have me beg for him to take them back off 10 minutes later. But, it was all worth it when we both saw her for the first time. I can close my eyes and still see him crying as he held her. That day, was so much more than her birthday. It was the day we all became connected, the day we all looked at eachother and could GENUINELY Say we were a family. That was the day we all loved eachother, just a little bit more.<3

In 446 days:::: I will marry the man that has been my everything. I have waited patiently through good days and through bad. We have endured heart ache, and shared moments of joy. There has been success, and their have been failures. It has been a long road. I have not only fallen in love with the most perfect man I have ever laid eyes on, something more amazing has happened. Not only did he make me fall in love with HIM, but he showed me how to love myself as well. And it is THAT amazing accomplishment, that I will truly never be able to repay him for. <3

This has been my life for the past 1,380 days. I have laughed, cried, loved and lost. I have had bad days, but I have always been able to smile through them knowing that at the end of the day.....I will have those arms waiting to hold me close like they did that first time. And that, is more than some girls will ever have. The days, weeks, months, and years to come are a treasure to me already. I know not what they hold instore for us....but, I cherish them before I even know them. <3