April is Autism Awarness Month

With April quickly approaching, and many people talking about the Move-a-Thon, I felt compelled to write.

When I met Gavin, he was four years old. He didn't speak in complete sentences, and being an assistant teacher in a Daycare....I saw red flags. He could, however, count backwards and forwards to 500. Again, though I was incredibly proud and BEAMED with joy for his ability---I saw red flags. He had a very difficult time putting words to his emotions. Things like, "I feel mad" or "I am Happy" didn't come to him easily.

He fixated on a specific group of toys, and new EVVVVVVERYTHING their was to know about them. My favorite game to play with him, "Race The Clock", a game I created after seeing his ability.I would dump out every single Thomas The Tank Engine & Friends toy he had into a pile, and then picking them up one by one as FAST as I could with a stop watch, we would  see how fast he could name them. He was fast. Really fast. When we weren't "Racing The Clock", he would methodically act out scenes from episodes of the show. I learned very quickly if I wanted to play trains with him, and not get yelled at, I needed to watch said episode and play and use dialog that was appropriate from the episode that he was pulling his information from.

Gavin did not try new foods easily, did not welcome change, and was a MONSTER when life got in the way of a days schedule and you had to inform him that something needed to be cancelled or rescheduled.He didn't hug often, and he never 'pursed' or 'puckered' his lips for kisses.

Gavin began attending the Daycare where I worked, and I had the opportunity to see him in a whole new environment. At 4 years old he preferred to play parallel  to his classmates, rather than WITH them. The class would break up into small groups of 3 or 4 children and make a Lego Tower, or a foam block castle....but Gavin would be separate. He would be close...but not "with" the group.

My baby was....."different" from other children that were 4 years old.

At his Kindergarten screening, they told us that he presented some issues with lack of attention. And that his answer's were, "Not Typical." Not wrong....just, different than any other child's.

Kindergarten was hard. He was teased and bullied on the bus, and LORD HELP ME I spent more time on the phone with the school and at the bus garage trying to make sure he was safe at school than I did breathing that year.

First Grade was also rough, more talk of his lack of attention, and his inability to stay on task. But, the two teacher's he had were always so kind and so endearing that we never felt the issue was worth being too concerned about. It's difficult to know whether you are being a parent who over reacts...or one who UNDER reacts. As a Mama, you don't want to do either.

First Grade ended and summer came....Then, the 'tics' soon followed. We all noticed the semi-violent head twitching. The 'kicking' he did with his chin towards the ceiling. Gavin had always had a "habit" of clearing his throat, but with the addition of the physical 'tics', we couldn't help but wonder if the throat clearing was habit....or something more? We discussed our concerns as Co-Parents. We decided now was the time to play the "Better Safe Than Sorry" card. We made an appointment with his pediatrician and Heather and I went to speak with him while Sean was stuck at work. We voiced our concerns and explained the research we had done. The hours that she and I had spent on Google at our respective homes, was CRAMMED into a 15 minute doctor's appointment. He was fair, and he was honest. Saying that if we felt that strongly about our concerns, then we were his parents and we should not stop until we heard the answer we wanted. But, alas.... he fully admitted that he genuinely had very little experience with the things we were discussing and he recommended we see a developmental pediatrician.*GASP*

We found one we all agreed on, and Valhalla called to us.

August 3, 2011.

Sean and I had to adventure together, because Mommy-Heather was stuck at work. We all knew that putting off the appointment any longer would be detrimental to Gavin, no matter how much we ALL wanted to be there. So, we the three of us made the choice to keep the appointment, and that Heather would be there in spirit. Sean and I sat side by side in the too-small-for-the-chairs-they-have-in-there, room. We sat amidst the Doctor and the 3 interns he had observing.  We sat with Gavin on my lap, and they talked about him like he wasn't there. It was blunt, and emotionless, and void of facial expression.

"We believe your son has Asperger's, Tourtette's and ADHD."

BAM! A heavy blow, right to the heart.

It was a hard car ride home. Sean spent the ride choking back tears, and I spent the ride explaining everything that the doctor had said, to Gavin. He was curious, and once I had explained the appointment to him in child appropriate terms...he was actually relieved. He was so excited to hear that their was a word for the "Weird" things he does, and was THRILLED to learn that their are other kids and people just like him!

We got back to my Mom and Dad's house, where Holden and Nola had been, and took a minute to go outside and collect our thoughts. It would take a few days for the reality of those 9 words to set in. But, Heather was on her way to pick the boys up and we had to regroup and put our game faces on. We had had our time to think, and to cry, and hold each other in weakness. She deserved her chance to be emotional and to break down. She needed us to be strong, and she needed us to allow her to have her moment to be weak. The three of us sat on My Parents' front porch, and I told her everything that Dr. Belkin had told us.

She had her moment. And we all sat on that porch together in silence as just a few tears escaped from behind her sunglasses, and fell from her cheeks to her chest. An appropriate place for them to land, right on her heart.

Something happened in that moment.
Something changed between the three of us in those silent moments.
We were all a little closer as Co-Parents, after that.
Suddenly, we weren't taking separate roads down our sons' future.
We had to change lanes and end up together, riding the hills and valley's of life together, for their sake.
We, were TEAM GAVIN.

We quickly realized that, while it was an initial blow to our hearts, his diagnosis (which were all confirmed after testing in July/September 2011), do not DEFINE him. He is still our Gavin, and placing a label on him didn't change anything. He is the same little boy I met 3+ years ago, Asperger's or no Asperger's.

I have also had the privilege of having made two  AMAZING new friends, Cheryl Broach-McClinsey and her husband Jason. They also (Ironically) has a Gavin with Asperger's and Tourette's. And it is beyond comforting to know that other parents know what we go through, and that we can send a simple text saying "Ugh" and we both just know.

Dealing with anxiety attacks, rigid routines, self doubt, a child that HATES turtle necks, dealing with a lesser amount of hugs and kisses than "normal" (and knowing how VERY special they are when you get them!), dirty looks in supermarkets and at the mall, little/no eye contact, and a laundry list of other quirks....bring us all together <3

We are our own little community, and we all speak a language foreign to others. We have challenges that other parents know nothing about. But, we have rewards that they cannot understand as well.

My sons name is, Gavin.

<3 And I love him from here....to the Moon. <3