Gavin Niles Liam:::3,285 days:::Turning Nine

3,285 days ago, my littleBIGboy was born.

 I was 16, and learning to drive.

Never in a million years did I think at this moment, the little man who would make me a Mama was coming into the World.

I was getting my first kiss, and looking for my first job.

I had no idea that just one town away, my little professor was taking his first breath.

I am so thankful that Sean and Heather's paths crossed, and lead them to each other. They weren't destined to grow old together in each other's arms, but to grow old cheering their son's on together as friends.

Their song was "God Bless the Broken Road", by Rascal Flatts. I smile when I think of this. It's somehow fitting, even now that they are no longer together and even though they have both moved on. Somehow the lyrics still work in some respect....and maybe it makes sense now more than it did back then, for them. They do have a 'broken road" at times. They are the best parents ever, and really have made leaps and bounds to come together and form a friendship to best parent the kids together. But, if they spend more than an hour in a room together without a break.... you will see why they are better off as friends. (( LOL )) So, while they weren't meant to forge a road together.... their paths were meant to cross. And Gavin is what their first purpose was.

I am ever grateful that the roads they travel, briefly became an intersection and that they welcomed a son into this World together. He is the one who made all three of us parents for the first time. He is the one that brought us into adulthood, and gave us priorities. He is who made us realize the true meaning of unconditional Love. He is the reason that we are 'boring' and have chocolate milk in our glasses instead of booze. The reason we watch 'Spongebob' instead of 'Sex in The City". He is our reason....for everything.

As much as I celebrate Gavin's birth each year and pronounce my unconditional Love and Pride for him, I want to take a moment this year and really acknowledge my gratitude and the sincere feeling of being Blessed that I have for being able to be a part of his life. I am so happy that these two people brought this amazing child into this World, and that somehow I not only fell into place here with one...or two....but all three of them.

I could write forever, and cry my eyes out writing about how deep these feelings run through my sole. I could bring on the morning typing away about these amazing Loves that I have in my life. I could start and never stop about the beauty that our family has because of Sean, and Heather, and.....our Birthday Boy.

Thank you so much to the Baby Makers of My Birthday Baby <3

And a Happy, Joyous, Wonderful Birthday to my littleBIGboy ((Gavin Niles Liam))....my Little Pokemon Trainer <3

Being Thankful

Thanksgiving 

Since last year's day of Thanks, so much has happened. my family has had good days, and bad days. We have seen smiles, and we have wiped away tears. I cannot and will not ever be able to fully express in words all of the emotions that my heart feels.... but can anyone really, truly put feelings into writing? Can any of us ever describe why we fall in love, or how intuition makes us choose certain paths? I may not be able to accurately depict how our year as made me Thankful, but as always... I will certainly try. 

I am Thankful for my HUSBAND, and for my ability to finally call him that. I am Thankful that all the rest of my days.... I will be his, and he will be mine. I try every day to understand why I deserve to come home to my best friend, I suppose I may never get an answer. I don't think I am deserving. Maybe that's what a relationship is. Maybe we are all supposed to feel unworthy of such happiness, of such perfection in a partner.... maybe that is what we should all strive for, so that we may spend all the rest of our tomorrow's being Thankful and doing our best to become deserving. Only then will you not stray, will you not get complacent, and then you will find yourself being the person you always wanted to be. In being with that special person, and feeling like you've been blessed to have found such happiness.... you strive to be a better person for them, and eventually you realize that they make you a better person too. Sean is my everything. He is my reason for wanting to accomplish all the things in my life. He is the reason I have my babies, and that I get the chance every day to be a good great Mom. He is my phone call when I'm angry at the lady in front of me at Shoprite with 219874321032496421 coupons and I only have 20 minutes to get home and make it to work. He is the only who tells me it's ok, when the screen at the ATM yells at me, "YOU'RE BROKE!". He is the Man who finds his way to me in the dark when I stub my toe on the stairs trying to pee in the middle of the night. He is all my happy times, and all my hugs when I am sad. He is the source for everything in my life that has meaning. He gave me Love, my babies, a life, Hell.... he even gave me Heather. (lol) For all the joy that this Man brought to the life of a girl who thought she deserved so little.... I, am Thankful.

I am Thankful for my Babies. My Gavin. I am ever Thankful for my Little Professor, who everyday reminds me that he is GAVIN and not Aspergers, not Tourettes, nor ADHD. He is NOT a diagnosis, and he is just himself. He cracks me up with his silly-off the wall sense of humor. He confuses me with his endless knowledge of Pokemon. This Little one who eveolved himself from Thomas to Pikachu.... For this I am Thankful. My Holden. My Little Rockstar-Paleantoligist. His light shines brighter than the sun, and his curiosity has just grown as he does. He is like a sponge about facts, and he forgets NOTHING. He can tell you what each and every dinos name is in your Encyclopedia, and he will make you look like a fool. For him, I am Thankful. My Nola. Words cannot express the joy my life has, now that a Princess has joined us. She is  all the good inside of me, and my eyes fill sometimes when I look at her. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever done with my life, and she is all the music of my heart. I love that little Lady more than my voice could ever speak. For her, I am Thankful.

For Heather. We had seen our fair share of rocky roads, and somehow life brought us on to stable ground. We have found our way to a place that I never thought we could. We have become friends who can share a glass of wine, and paint our nails. We have endured 5 years of trials and tribulations, and somehow made it through to a place where we can survive a hurricane together. We have taken pictures, we have weathered storms, and we have a life time of 'sister-wife-ing' ahead of us as we raise these kids that she has graced me with.

I am Thankful for the Taskers. For Uncle Joe and Aunt Kathryn they have always been there for us and for our kids. They are my Holden's Godparents. Their daughters are my children's cousins. We are at their house for Family functions, and I consider myself at home in their home. I don't have to pretend to be anyone different while in their company, and that is hard to come by. They are beautiful, understanding, and REAL people. And for them...I am Thankful. 

My life is Blessed, and I am ever grateful for where we have ended up and for who we have here with us. I look forward to another year and all it brings, so that next year....my list can be just as beautiful. <3

Hope you all have a wonderful Holiday, and that you have much to be Thankful for. 

My Family.

1646 Days ago, my "Family" looked very different. I considered myself mostly alone, with the exception of my Grandparents. I had gone through a series of bad-decision-relationships, and had come to the conclusion that I would end up marrying someone like my biological Father (AKA a pathological liar and an addict)  and ending up a miserable mess.

But 1647 days ago, the man I would end up Marrying met my eyes for the very first time. 

It was an irrational-over the top- can't spend a moment without you- you fit perfectly in my arms, kind of connection. He has made me laugh and love him endlessly since the first moment we met.

I had no idea while joking with him at the bar, that he had a little one and one on the way. But, when he told me... I was not scared. I did not panic. I was eager to meet his son(s). I was amazed at how easy it was to just fall into his life with him and to feel accepted and like it was just "right".

I waited 3 years for his divorce to be finalized, and four years to claim him as MINE. Other than "Mama/Mommy", "MRS."  is definitely a title I have EARNED.

I knew my place was with him and with OUR children. I knew it with everything inside of me. None of this was a shock.

The event that shook our Family....the event that threw us for a loop, happened last September. While driving home from the newly re-named Gulf in Goshen, driving through Hurricane Irene I might add, I received a text message so shocking and sad that I had to pull over and sob until I could no longer produce tears. That was the day that heather texted me to say that the relationship between her and Jen, was no more.

I cried for my sons....cried because they would have to experience yet another life changing moment. Cried, that when they drew family pictures, their images would again need to change. Cried, for Heather and for Jen, cried because they had beautiful photographs and went on fun family vacations, and I wasn't close enough to them to know that something had been wrong. I wasn't there to see the signs and say, "Are you ok?" to my son's Mother. I cried because I knew they had all cried.

I never would have guessed that in a years time, that we would be going to church together; having Sunday night family dinners together; that Heather would be my go-to second shooter for SNAPPEDphotography; or that I would call her just as much and I call Sean at night to make sure everything's ok and that the boys are behaving in both homes .... never would have guessed.

I certainly never expected to have a Family portrait, that looks like this::::

The Purcell's:::: ALL of us

F*ck Cancer

I HATE the C-word.
Nooooooo not THAT C-word.

I'm talking about Cancer.

Childhood Caner to be exact.

I got to spend time last weekend with a wonderful Family from Goshen, who has been fighting ((AND WINNING!!!)) against this awful, grotesque disease.
((Go ahead! See for yourself::: Prayers For Grace ))

The word is ugly, and leaves a bitter taste in all of our mouths. It is hard to imagine, never mind comprehend, why such an ugly disease would attack such little ones.

I'm sure most if not all of you have been seeing articles and blog postings on the family who just lost their Little Warrior, Ty. He was five years old....and the CUTEST little thing! (( take a minute and read Ty's Mommy's story .Then take another moment, and see what Captain America had to say ))

Now, having just spent the day with Grace... I got to see the sunshine in the rain. I got to see a Family pulling through into the light, coming from the darkness. I got to see the smiles, and the silly everyday stuff. The normal banter from the parents (Fran & Frank):::

"Grace... smile!"

"Grace, look at the camera"

"Uggghhhh, can you PRETEND to be happy?"

the normal stuff I see on Evvvvvvery child shoot I do. And it was wonderful to see such an average day in their lives. To see that they are functioning like any other family with a moody pre-teen. It was comforting and it was REAL. I had a blast spending time with them in front of my lens....watching an extraordinary family, have an ordinary day.

So many of us take our days for granted. We don't cherish and respect those days the way we should. I have read, and cried....and gone back and re-read, and cried some more.... the blog from little Ty's Mother. And it makes me grateful. Grateful for spilled milk, and for dirty finger nails. Grateful for missed bedtimes, and for time outs. Makes me grateful for dirty foot prints on a clean kitchen floor, and for stepping on Lego's in the dark.

My heart crumbles inside my chest as I think of what that Mother would give for those things. What deal with God she'd be willing to accept for one more day with her son. Tears fall down my face as I think what I would promise, what fate I would accept.... to save my babies.

 I would never wish that on anyone. No one should EVER have to watch their child suffer, and watch their hair fall out, and answer questions about mortality.

Please, Take a moment and visit SNAPPEDphotography. I have added a DONATE button, and ALL proceeds will go directly to Grace and her Parents. Your donation will help this family with outstanding medical bills, Tutoring, and just plain old kid stuff.

My Girl Grace, from our session together :0)

THE FIRST 15 PEOPLE WHO DONATE A MINIMUM OF $50, BEFORE DECEMBER 1st WILL BE OFFERED A  GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR $100 OFF ANY SESSION VALID UNTIL DECEMBER OF NEXT YEAR (2013)




Oh....And Cancer?

We're coming for YOU next.
And you don't stand a chance.

Why the ' Wait " in my Weight?

Mirrors.
Oh how I despise thee.

It was not that long ago, that my Facebook updates were berating your eyes with trails I was conquering, and veggies i was eating.

It was not that long ago that my jeans were fitting looser and my confidence was getting bigger.

This was only 3 months ago....yet it feels like a lifetime ago.

I have always been an emotional eater. Sean has only seen me cry twice in our (almost) 5 year relationship, and yet he has seen me down a bag of sour cream and cheddar Lays probably 15 times too many.

I have suffered many a traumatic experience this spring/summer.

I lost my Mother (no condolences please, she is still of this Earth. We had tried to rectify a broken relationship one final time to no avail.)

My Love was in ICU with threats by doctors to shock his heart back into sinus rhythm.

Four days after his discharge, my Sister was placed in ICU just 4 doors down from where Sean had been.

Sean's Mother (our 'Cookie') is not doing well, and I fear that I will not have the right words when she leaves us to find Sean's Father in the clouds to comfort him.

I am working 3 jobs, and I am forever trying to be a Mother, Wife, Advocate, Employee, Friend, Playdate Buddy, etc.....and cannot seem to work the balance out to where I am not leaving something on the back burner and filling the room with smoke.

I have been asking myself and asking myself, why I stopped running.I was so much happier and had energy and the Yuck in my life didnt seem so....well, Yuck. LOL

It gave me time to clear my head, and to process the situations surrounding my day to day experiences.

It hit me last night why I strayed and what has made me sad enough to stay away from the trails I love so much.

I want another baby.

I miss feeling tiny feet kick about inside of me.

I miss knowing that I am growing and protecting something that is holding all the strings of my heart.

I look at Nola and want so badly to make her a Big Sister. I want to give her a play mate for the days when her brothers are with Heather and she is all alone at our house.

I want her to have someone to argue with and someone to cry and laugh with.

I dont want my baby swing to sit in its box in my closet.

I miss bottles, and binkies, and itty bitty clothing.

I miss rocking a baby to sleep, and placing her every so gently into the crib and willing with everything inside of you to PLEASE just stay asleep so i can finally take a nap!

I miss being exhausted.

But, I am stuck with my 3 jobs, and the drama that my life holds right now.
I am surrounded by a 2 bedroom apartment, and a back seat full of car seats.
I am a Mother of a pre-made family plus my little addition. I will not be getting pregnant with my second child.....but with my FORTH. And, is that really a responsible decision?  In this economy, with the amount of work I need to do to stay stable and to save for the future.....is it even an OPTION?

*Le Sigh*

I have not the answers to my own questions.
All I know is it scares me to go running and to lose weight, because it feels like I am trying to fix a body and shape it into one that will never again know what it is like to feel a tiny little lady grow inside of it.

And my poor heart.....just REALLY wants a bag of sour cream and cheddar chips just thinking about it.

Inside My Head: Random Facts / Thoughts

1. I would rather eat Chinese food cold out of the fridge the second day, then hot and fresh from delivery

2. I think my cell phone and I were romantically connected in a previous life. I always go to check it and as soon as I turn the screen on...I inexplicably receive a text. We just get each other. <3

3. I miss running, and need to restart loving myself.

4. I hate driving in Fall when leaves adorn the ground and rain falls upon them.

5. Sierra Mist > Sprite. (No, this IS real. I dont care what you say....)

6. A romantic date as a Mommy of 3 = a case of Sam Adams Cherry Wheat and "The Fighter" on Netflix.

7. I LOVE broccoli.....but only smothered in cheese.

8. I am PROUD that Sean, Heather, and I have what we have. And I am so not concerned with the sideways glances and "Sayyyy Whaaaa?!" eyebrows I get when explaining. You do not concern me. THE END!

9. I kiss my babies every single night when I come home from work....even though that means they get "waked up" at 12:30am

10. FAMILY: is what you make it, and I have Grandparents whom I should call 'Mom and Dad', my kids have 'Aunt' Kathryn and 'Uncle' Joe and 3 nieces that share no blood line but mean more to us than anything,   My (ex)Step-Mom (whom divorced my Father, whom I do not interact with) is one of my best friends, and Heather has become an important member of Team Purcell not only in her house or because her title is "Mom" but because she has genuinely earned a place in our home as well, and Nola loves seeing her walk through our door.

11. I </3 Excel, and use it 40+ hours a week. *head.desk.repeat*

12. I break cell phones like its my job.

13. My camera should be permanently implanted where my right hand is.

14. If you ask me "where do you want to go for lunch?" I will ALWAYS say Nathan's at the Galleria, and ALWAYS order their South Western Chipotle Chicken Wrap. Screw you Friday's, Outback, Chili's, etc...

15. I need to learn how to cry.

16. I watch scary movies through my fingers, and only put up with them so I can sit on Sean's lap. ( But...not REALLY scary movies. Only mildly-we're-going-to-lie-and-tell-Colie-this-movie-was-horrific-to-make-her-feel-like-a-big-girl Movies.)

17. I have like 321674116574 jobs, and love them all.

18. Finding Nemo on repeat for 6 hours, was the best date I ever had <3

19. I watched, photographed, and aided in a child birth *holding a foot* I'm practically a Doctor.

20. I rock myself to sleep, and it used to drive Sean CrAzY, but secretly..... I think he enjoys it now and misses it when I'm not home.

Day 08- I'm abandoning ship

I am a horrible blogger when set to a schedule, and as proof....I'm abandoning ship on this 25 days of songs. LOL

Day 07- A song that reminds you of the past summer

Summer 2012:

Grey's Anatomy theme song. Many a date night spent watching this and snuggling <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAIs3tUYOi4

Day 06- A song that reminds you of your best friend

 

This reminds me of the three most important Mama's in my life <3

EKO; HJP; KT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_8ydghbGSg&list=FLw2A8zA9YCp5EWUTV56aGOw&feature=mh_lolz

Day 05- A song that gets stuck in your head

http://vimeo.com/43242620

Day 04- A song that calms you down

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjkJDu0B-1U

Day 03- A song that remind you of one/both of your parents

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1BFHYtZlAU

Day 02- A song that reminds you of your most recent Ex

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0KUaL9X5Yo

Day 01- A song from your childhood

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QP_rIAkb_v8

My Little Pony Opening Theme Song <3

"Purcell"

Banter.
Silly, little nonsensical, fake-fights sprinkled with flirtation.
They have always been my favorite part of relationships.


Wit.
Snarky, quickly-timed, comebacks have always been the best part of Banter.

I was always victorious when comebacks were dueling.
I am quick, and severely sarcastic.  
Sean never had a chance. 

But, as of lately he has been wining a lot.

No matter what silliness is going back and forth between us....
All he need say is, "Purcell....." and give me stern eyes.

I waited 4+ years to be his.
Really, truly, his.

And, after hearing his name....my name....OUR NAME.
He wins <3

It is my very new favoritest part of fake-fighting. :0)

I "Did"

I had so much that I had wanted to say, but I think this......

...says it all <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD9CrZODlNA 

I am my Beloveds

And

My beloved is mine.

02.28.12

My Little Lady

There is something oh so special about having a daughter.

There are Moments as a Mommy that you get to experience..... that mean so much, but may seem so silly to other people. 

But, I'd like to take a moment, to document a BIG day in her life as a Little Lady :0)

Miss Nola had her very FIRST Pedicure today! 

She wiggled...jusssssst a little!

Saturday June 16, 2012.
That's the day I almost threw up and had a panic attack all before I was even out of bed.

It was the day of my first scheduled wedding, and I was so far beyond nervous I was contemplating inventing a new word for what I was feeling. (((I ended up with like 17 vowels and a single consonant. It clearly wasn't my day for word inventions, not with all the panic and mind fluster I had going on.)))

Thank God Heather was spending the day with me, holding a camera herself.
If it wasn't for our chatter in the car....I may have never calmed down! LOL

But, once at the Church.....
Once our day officially started.....
I wasn't nervous anymore.
Behind my lens I am confident and I am happy.
 I smiled ALL day.

The couple was beyond adorable, and so fun to work for!
The Bride spoke little to no English....so the Groom had to do some interpreting. But, even with the language barrier, it was plain for Heather and I to see that they were mucho...MUCHO in love. :0)

The bride was GORGEOUS, and I swear when she laughed it was the prettiest thing ever. :0)
She was absolutely stunning!

And can we just talk about her shoes for ONE second....
((Come on, if you know me you know I have to....LOL))

I mean seriously.....Look at this!

They were so cute, and once we all got to the arboretum...they really loosened up!

:::Photo by Second Shooter-- HEATHER PURCELL ((Coming soon to "The Ardent Lens Photography")):::

They were so cute, and it was a boat load of fun!

They are so obviously and blatantly in love, it was hard NOT to smile when you were near them.
They really were the perfect subjects for a day like this, they weren't acting....
You could tell it really was the happiest day of their lives.

It was SO fun, and not at all scary like I thought it would be when i first woke up :0)


I mean.....who could have any sort of anxiety when they spend their day watching and photographing moments like this?!?!

((Tom & Natali Schimpf  06.16.012))

PS-Heather:::

You did an AMAZING job and we were a much better Team than I even thought we could be! You need to get yourself back behind a lens, you look BEAUTIFUL and HAPPY there.

THANK YOU! :0)

Adventures in Sibling-ism::: Part Two

Gavin & Nola

I-----was scared $h*!less when Sean and I sat down to tell Gavin and Holden that we were going to have a baby. We had been asking them for months if they wanted a new baby, and they always ALWAYS said "Yes". But, still....I was deathly afraid that Gavin would have anxiety about another pregnancy. SOOOOOO much had changed in his life the last time one of his parents was pregnant, I was scared he would panic thinking that the news of my pregnancy was code for MANY more changes to come.

But, I had nothing to worry about. Both boys were very excited. ((Though Gavin did ask a TON of questions frequently...just checking in to make sure that the status quo was the same.)) We tried to make it fun! (((I think we did a good job, Right?!))

I tried to make the boys as involved as possible. I wanted them to know our Love was going to GROW, not dwindle. Gavin came with me to Babies R Us to stock up on bibs and diapers. He was there to hold my Nola-Belly as she kicked and moved. He thought it was especially funny when he would put his ear to my belly...and she would kick his head. HAHA! I wanted him to be certain, without a shadow of a doubt, that HE was still JUST as important as he had always been and that he was not going to get pushed aside.

He bonded with my belly much more quickly and intensely than I expected. He would ask to sit by me, and just stare at it. He would get REAL close to my tummy and yell "HELLO IN THERE!" then ask if she would remember his voice. ((((So super cute)))) My FAVORITE picture that I have EVER taken, is of Gavin and Nola-Belly. It was one of the most amazing moments in my life, and the relationship and acceptance he had during my pregnancy is something I will never forget.

When Nola came, and the boys were brought to the hospital to meet her....Gavin had a rough time. Hospitals make him uneasy, and seeing me all hooked up and pale made matters worse. He had a little anxiety attack and asked to go home. Part of my heart broke, because he wanted Me and Daddy and Nola to go home too....but, I had just delivered a baby 3 hours earlier! We certainly couldn't join him on his journey back to a comfort zone for him. My heart ached, partly because he was sad and partly because I was. I had envisioned the day of delivery being spent as a family of FIVE. But, my son needed to feel safe, and even though I had a new born in my arms....Gavin was and is my Baby. He needed to go. But not before getting some lovin' on his sister, and a HUGE hug goodbye!


Once we were home and things were settled, he took to her instantly. he LOVED all the pink outfits and hair bows, completely intrigued by how different it is having a girl in the house. He probably won't ever admit it, but he loved ((and still loves!)) helping pick out her clothes :0) He loved playing peek-a-boo with her, and seeing her smile. Nine out of every ten pictures I have of Nola smiling, I have because Gavin is off camera making silly faces. And the BEST ones, are when they are smiling together. She adores him.

He is a great brother, always very concerned about where she is, what she's doing, and if she is ok. He is constantly checking in on her, and is much more patient this time around when baby-crying-sounds fill the air.  He is a great Big Brother, and loves saying he is a "Big-BIG-Brother"...because he has done this twice ;0)

They really are just too cute together.....and I love watching EVERY moment.

Sibling Love EST 02.25.11

Adventures in Sibling-ism::: Part One

                        Gavin & Holden

When I met Gavin he was an only child, with a baby brother on the way. We talked frequently about the baby growing in Mommy's belly...and we made special trips to the computer all the time to stare at the screen and pictures of her tummy.

We used to look at this picture alllllllllll the time :0)
"I think I can see him kicking in Mommy's belly in the picture, Colie!!!"
He was so stinking cute!
((((((Adorable Preggo Holden Belly a la Heather Purcell)))))

He talked about the baby all the time and how Holden was coming to play with him. I watched him transform from being a child who was used to being the center of attention for 4 years...into a Big Brother who needed to share the spotlight for the Brand new Bundle in his life.

Everyone loves a Baby, and let's face it...they need more time and attention. They need to be held and fed and changed...and that all takes time. No matter how hard you try, it is impossible to "evenly" divide time between children when one of them is an infant.

Gavin certainly had his moments but, for having a WORLD of changes thrust upon him with Daddy((Sean)) having me in his life as well as moving in, and also having Mommy((Heather)) in a new relationship and new home too...he honestly handled it like a Pro!



He was interested in how to feed Baby-Holden and how to turn on the baby swing, and why Holden liked putting things in his mouth. When Holden started to toddle......things inevitably got more chaotic. Gavin didn't always enjoy Holden being his shadow, but he was also a great teacher and a wonderful best friend. He would tell everyone and anyone who put their hands near His Holden that they needed to wash their hands first and ask myself or Sean first before they just scooped him up. When Holden started to talk, the "Brotherly-Love" moments became more interesting. Gavin had very little patience for when Holden would mimic, and yet he loved teaching him new words when HE decided it was time. He was a great teacher. They were ((and ARE)) hysterical and beautiful to watch.

Gavin and Holden have a bond like no other, and I find comfort in knowing that no matter which home they sleep at whether it's ours or Mommy's....they have each other. A special little Buddy who will follow the other through life. Someone who will have the same stories and memories, and share the same secrets. I love knowing that. And I think they do too <3

::::Brotherly Love EST 08.02.2008::::

I'm Catholic....we don't clap.

A very good friend, and Mommy of my baby boys, called upon me for photographic aide of a monumental event in her life. She was choosing to get Baptized (((or as I called it, her "Dunk-Day")))

Now I agreed to go, very excited to have been invited (1) because I love when people want me to take pics and (2) because i was honored that she wanted me there.

I was walking in....expecting to attend "Church".

What I actually walked into was a dimly lit room sprinkled with faded blue lights, full of people, and VERY loud music. (((like--- electric guitars, and a drummer....in a box?!? Why oh why, is he in a box???)))

I listened. I observed. I was taken aback by the way people were speaking out and clapping.

I am Catholic.
We do NOT clap.

I am used to a BIG brightly lit church, one with stain glassed windows, and full of Men dressed in robes.

I was seated with an open heart and an open mind.

Willing to take in what the experience had to offer.

I left feeling....uncertain?

The experience had be, different. That's for sure.

But, my babies seemed happy and contented there. And especially for Gavin, this is a BIG deal.

I went home and spoke with Sean.

Maybe we will adventure their as a Family ourselves and see how it feels? Who knows.

I miss going to Church and feeling like it mattered, rather than it just being an obligation.

And unfortunately having an Aspie kid who tics and twitches and needs a little bit of understanding... My good 'ol friendly St. John's isn't quite the match my family needs.

I mean, God made us all. No matter how Aspie or Un-Aspie we are! And I think He expected us all to grow and evolve as our society does... Is it really a bad thing to add texting and technology to the service? It's certainly something I'm not used to, but maybe something that is more suited to mine and Sean's unconventional lifestyle.

A second trip, perhaps?

(((Maybe even just to figure out why they shove the drummer in a box!!! LOL)))

Hmmm......I guess we will see!!

:::::Regardless, what REALLY mattered about my Sunday-Church-Experience::::: 

HAPPY DUNK-DAY HEATHER

Where there is LOVE....There is LIFE

*Getting Fit = Living Life & Learning to Love MYSELF*

During my new adventures in getting fit, I find that I now have plenty of time to explore the deep and curious places in my mind. Having added an hour into each day to running, I have since realized that this simultaneously added in a full hour of solidarity. I am enjoying my new found time to ponder all of life's ponderments. ((Yes, i invented a word))

While I will admit that my mind does wander into those hateful places of bill paying and grown-up worries from time to time..... more often than not, I spend my time reflecting on what I have to be Thankful for.

Thankful for::::
Sean & Nichole (( 4 years, and going STRONG))
A relationship that is so perfectly-imperfect.
I love this Man with all my heart, and some days....
I don't feel like I deserve him.
He is my everything, and I am grateful everyday.
We have been to hell and back.
But, I am still so IN love with him.
<3

Gavin Niles Liam
For my Little Professor.
Yes, Asperger's adds to the chaos that is my Gavin.
But...I wouldn't change him for all the money in the World.
He makes me think, and reminds me to be serious at times.
He made me a Mama.... and I cannot thank this Little Wonder enough.
I love my baby boy.
<3

Holden Archer
I am Thankful for my Paleontologist.
I am thankful for "Rawwwrs" and for "I Love You's"
He cracks me up, and reminds me that I need to be silly.
He is the absolute definition of  BOY.
I love my babiest boy.
<3

 

Nola Ainsley Fallon
Our Nola-Bean-Burrito
She blessed our life, and answered our Pink Prayers.
I enjoy every moment of playing with her hair and picking out dresses.
She was a "First" for both Sean and I, and that means SOOOOO much to us.
She is beautiful, and she is FULL of personality.
She touches a place in my heart that I didn't know existed.
I love my Little Lady.
<3

A Little Rekindling

Every relationship takes work.
There....I said it.
The "ugly" thing no one likes to talk about.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, we all walk around pretending that we never fight with our significant other. We all post our status updates about how wonderful and happy and in love we all are *insert vomit noise here*. Well, guess what? Sometimes, Love sucks. Sometimes, you fight. Sometimes, you don't fight....but things just get....weird?

Well, guess what? I decided to spill a little about my perfectly IMperfect relationship. Maybe it will make you feel normal, because we ALL have bad days :0) And that's OK!

Sean and I have been saying for 2 or 3 months now, that we felt "off". Something just wasn't the same between us. We weren't arguing or sending one another to the couch....but something was just----odd, for lack of a better word.

We talked it out, tried to explain how we each felt. And came to the conclusion that for whatever reason we weren't "clicking" like we always have. he said he felt like we were on the Same page of the Same book....just on different lines. I said I felt like we were trying to fit an oval into a circle. So close....and yet so far.

After 2 months of trying to talk it out, I finally had an idea.

Sean left the house clad in a dress shirt and tie, heading for the Supermarket after Nola went to sleep last night. I hopped in the shower and got dressed up because I was going on a first date......with the man I've been with for 4+ years. I put on a fancy dress, did my hair and make up and pulled out the fancy perfume. I received a text saying, "Can't wait to come over for our date. I'm bringing dinner, see you soon!" I blushed and texted back "Can't wait to meet you.....hope you remembered the wine and dessert ;0)"

He got on our front porch and knocked....((I will admit I giggled, but tried to take this whole 'we've never met before' thing seriously.)) I answered the door and let him in, he told me I had a nice apartment and asked where the kitchen was so we could make dinner together. ((He was much better at this than I anticipated!))

We got into the kitchen, made our fancy shrimp cocktail our dinner and poured some wine. We headed out to the front porch and lit all our candles, and asked each other questions like we had just met. It was ridiculously stress relieving. I was surprised at how much FUN we both had doing it. It was silly at first, yes. But after a few minutes we were both giggling and flirting like teenagers.

We went inside and watched a movie, he asked if he could kiss me ((You know.....because he was being a gentleman on our very first date)). It was hot. It was romantic. It was adorable. It was everything we needed.

We woke up today, and didn't have that funny-weird-something-is-wrong feeling anymore. We giggled all day, and played and laughed like we used to when we first met.

*So in Love*

Getting to Love::: ME

As long as I can remember, I have been a chunky monkey.

Couple a natural distaste for sweating with an addict Father whose idea of a "Meal" was a bag of Slim Jim's and a side of potato chips...and you get a Lifetime of poor eating/exercise habits.

I've never liked how I look, and I have always been the heaviest among my friends. Now, while this has created a defense mechanism of awesomely awesome humor and a fun personality ((Yes.... I'm more Awesome than you. Put that in Your Juice box and Suck it.))..... I'd like to also look as good as my personality portrays that I feel.

I'm at a point in my Life where I feel loved and needed.
I have an AMAZING Family, and I want us to have all that Life has to offer.
I should be happy AND healthy.

For the first time in my life I am eating right, and I ENJOY exercise. Going for a jog with my baby, is one of the highlights of my day. I LIKE running around like an idiot at the park with my kids and knowing that I am having fun AND burning calories.

I'm not looking to be a size 2, that's just unrealistic for me. I just want to be able to look in the mirror and smile with what I see :0) We will see where this journey takes me, but for now... I am just excited that my clothes are fitting better, and that soon they won't fit and I will need a smaller size!

I am happy, and soooooooooooo grateful that Sean is so good to me. He tells me I am beautiful no matter what the tag in my jeans says....but for once, I'd like to FEEL as pretty as he says I am.

He is amazing, and he deserves me to try and be as healthy as possible. And Hell, let's be honest. Even Mama's and Daddy's have needs.... this couldn't hurt our sex life any! =P

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5/13/12

In honor of Mother's Day, I want to write about Mother's who have inspired me.
((My Inspirations will be in no particular order, and your ego should neither inflate nor deflate based upon your placement on the list.))

My Grandma- I grew up within the walls of her home, and her heart. She has been there for me, when no one else was. She is the most selfless person I know. And she is amazing.

Kathryn- One of my Best Friends. She had three beautiful Little Ladies, and puts them first above all else. No matter what hectic, crazy, run-around schedule the girls create with their never ending extra curricular activities....she is there, making sure their day gets completed efficiently.

 Erin- She is my favorite Floridian, and the best Mom in the state. She loves her Son, and her Stepson. She has crafted a Family,and  one that is crossing State lines no less! She somehow manages to keep it together while raising her son and also keeping tabs and sending love to her Stepson in Wisconsin.

Courtney- This Mama somehow manages to do it all! She's a Mama, Wife, Student, Teacher, Advocate, Jewelry Maker, Blogger, and I'm sure more! The way she is able to multi-task is seriously making the rest of us look bad!

Heather- The Mommy of my babies, and a Lady who has opened her heart to allowing me to have the title and the role that I do. She has overcome ups and downs in the last few years, that would send some women screaming and running for cover. She has met her challenges with a firm stance, and always kept her eyes on what the ultimate goal is: Her Boys.

Brooke- A Mommy on a mission! She is always there with something sarcastic and witty to throw your way, and she is always, ALWAYS smiling! This Mama never has a negative thing to say, and always seems to be in a constant state of "Glass Half Full". Rock on, Mama!

Nicole Eve- This Mommy never fails in amazing me at how dedicated she is. Years younger than most of us, and this chica puts some of us to shame. She works crazy hours, and still manages to be one of the most dedicated I know.

Cheryl- I am so lucky to have found this Mama. She is fun, and funny and her boys LOVE her. She lets them be who they are, and you can see how much they appreciate it. She is always there ((with a glass of wine!)) when I need her. She is an AMAZING inspiration, and I have learned so, SO much from her. She is forever making me laugh with her honesty, and the faces she makes when she is telling a story. Whenever I am with her, I don't have to pretend to be anyone else. :0) And for that....I appreciate every moment I get to spend with my friend.

Melanie- This Mama has been a happy new addition to my circle of friends. An afternoon of gossip and Girl Time on her back porch is enough to fix any problem. She is a fun time, and she is a Great Mom. She is fun when she needs to be, but since her girls have her attitude---sometimes this Mama needs to lay down the law! 


Lastly, I want to thank my very BEST inspirations....

My Babies <3 They are my Life's greatest joy. Everything I am, and everything that i do is for/because of them. Whenever my thoughts are weak...they strengthen me. They give me the courage to be myself, and to be Strong for them. I love them more than I could ever tell them. But I try to show them everyday. They are perfect, and beautiful, and best of all.....they are mine <3

Now, I know I haven't been able to wish ALL of you a Happy Mother's Day on here... and for that I am sorry. I hope you know that I love you ALL and that you each help mold me in some way. Whether I see a picture you have taken or read about the day you've had.... you inspire me to take a deep breath and to remember what matter in my moments of weakness. You have each aided me on my journey in some way, and for that...on this day, I am Thankful that you are a part of my life.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, Mama's. <3