F*ck Cancer

I HATE the C-word.
Nooooooo not THAT C-word.

I'm talking about Cancer.

Childhood Caner to be exact.

I got to spend time last weekend with a wonderful Family from Goshen, who has been fighting ((AND WINNING!!!)) against this awful, grotesque disease.
((Go ahead! See for yourself::: Prayers For Grace ))

The word is ugly, and leaves a bitter taste in all of our mouths. It is hard to imagine, never mind comprehend, why such an ugly disease would attack such little ones.

I'm sure most if not all of you have been seeing articles and blog postings on the family who just lost their Little Warrior, Ty. He was five years old....and the CUTEST little thing! (( take a minute and read Ty's Mommy's story .Then take another moment, and see what Captain America had to say ))

Now, having just spent the day with Grace... I got to see the sunshine in the rain. I got to see a Family pulling through into the light, coming from the darkness. I got to see the smiles, and the silly everyday stuff. The normal banter from the parents (Fran & Frank):::

"Grace... smile!"

"Grace, look at the camera"

"Uggghhhh, can you PRETEND to be happy?"

the normal stuff I see on Evvvvvvery child shoot I do. And it was wonderful to see such an average day in their lives. To see that they are functioning like any other family with a moody pre-teen. It was comforting and it was REAL. I had a blast spending time with them in front of my lens....watching an extraordinary family, have an ordinary day.

So many of us take our days for granted. We don't cherish and respect those days the way we should. I have read, and cried....and gone back and re-read, and cried some more.... the blog from little Ty's Mother. And it makes me grateful. Grateful for spilled milk, and for dirty finger nails. Grateful for missed bedtimes, and for time outs. Makes me grateful for dirty foot prints on a clean kitchen floor, and for stepping on Lego's in the dark.

My heart crumbles inside my chest as I think of what that Mother would give for those things. What deal with God she'd be willing to accept for one more day with her son. Tears fall down my face as I think what I would promise, what fate I would accept.... to save my babies.

 I would never wish that on anyone. No one should EVER have to watch their child suffer, and watch their hair fall out, and answer questions about mortality.

Please, Take a moment and visit SNAPPEDphotography. I have added a DONATE button, and ALL proceeds will go directly to Grace and her Parents. Your donation will help this family with outstanding medical bills, Tutoring, and just plain old kid stuff.

My Girl Grace, from our session together :0)

THE FIRST 15 PEOPLE WHO DONATE A MINIMUM OF $50, BEFORE DECEMBER 1st WILL BE OFFERED A  GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR $100 OFF ANY SESSION VALID UNTIL DECEMBER OF NEXT YEAR (2013)




Oh....And Cancer?

We're coming for YOU next.
And you don't stand a chance.

Why the ' Wait " in my Weight?

Mirrors.
Oh how I despise thee.

It was not that long ago, that my Facebook updates were berating your eyes with trails I was conquering, and veggies i was eating.

It was not that long ago that my jeans were fitting looser and my confidence was getting bigger.

This was only 3 months ago....yet it feels like a lifetime ago.

I have always been an emotional eater. Sean has only seen me cry twice in our (almost) 5 year relationship, and yet he has seen me down a bag of sour cream and cheddar Lays probably 15 times too many.

I have suffered many a traumatic experience this spring/summer.

I lost my Mother (no condolences please, she is still of this Earth. We had tried to rectify a broken relationship one final time to no avail.)

My Love was in ICU with threats by doctors to shock his heart back into sinus rhythm.

Four days after his discharge, my Sister was placed in ICU just 4 doors down from where Sean had been.

Sean's Mother (our 'Cookie') is not doing well, and I fear that I will not have the right words when she leaves us to find Sean's Father in the clouds to comfort him.

I am working 3 jobs, and I am forever trying to be a Mother, Wife, Advocate, Employee, Friend, Playdate Buddy, etc.....and cannot seem to work the balance out to where I am not leaving something on the back burner and filling the room with smoke.

I have been asking myself and asking myself, why I stopped running.I was so much happier and had energy and the Yuck in my life didnt seem so....well, Yuck. LOL

It gave me time to clear my head, and to process the situations surrounding my day to day experiences.

It hit me last night why I strayed and what has made me sad enough to stay away from the trails I love so much.

I want another baby.

I miss feeling tiny feet kick about inside of me.

I miss knowing that I am growing and protecting something that is holding all the strings of my heart.

I look at Nola and want so badly to make her a Big Sister. I want to give her a play mate for the days when her brothers are with Heather and she is all alone at our house.

I want her to have someone to argue with and someone to cry and laugh with.

I dont want my baby swing to sit in its box in my closet.

I miss bottles, and binkies, and itty bitty clothing.

I miss rocking a baby to sleep, and placing her every so gently into the crib and willing with everything inside of you to PLEASE just stay asleep so i can finally take a nap!

I miss being exhausted.

But, I am stuck with my 3 jobs, and the drama that my life holds right now.
I am surrounded by a 2 bedroom apartment, and a back seat full of car seats.
I am a Mother of a pre-made family plus my little addition. I will not be getting pregnant with my second child.....but with my FORTH. And, is that really a responsible decision?  In this economy, with the amount of work I need to do to stay stable and to save for the future.....is it even an OPTION?

*Le Sigh*

I have not the answers to my own questions.
All I know is it scares me to go running and to lose weight, because it feels like I am trying to fix a body and shape it into one that will never again know what it is like to feel a tiny little lady grow inside of it.

And my poor heart.....just REALLY wants a bag of sour cream and cheddar chips just thinking about it.

Inside My Head: Random Facts / Thoughts

1. I would rather eat Chinese food cold out of the fridge the second day, then hot and fresh from delivery

2. I think my cell phone and I were romantically connected in a previous life. I always go to check it and as soon as I turn the screen on...I inexplicably receive a text. We just get each other. <3

3. I miss running, and need to restart loving myself.

4. I hate driving in Fall when leaves adorn the ground and rain falls upon them.

5. Sierra Mist > Sprite. (No, this IS real. I dont care what you say....)

6. A romantic date as a Mommy of 3 = a case of Sam Adams Cherry Wheat and "The Fighter" on Netflix.

7. I LOVE broccoli.....but only smothered in cheese.

8. I am PROUD that Sean, Heather, and I have what we have. And I am so not concerned with the sideways glances and "Sayyyy Whaaaa?!" eyebrows I get when explaining. You do not concern me. THE END!

9. I kiss my babies every single night when I come home from work....even though that means they get "waked up" at 12:30am

10. FAMILY: is what you make it, and I have Grandparents whom I should call 'Mom and Dad', my kids have 'Aunt' Kathryn and 'Uncle' Joe and 3 nieces that share no blood line but mean more to us than anything,   My (ex)Step-Mom (whom divorced my Father, whom I do not interact with) is one of my best friends, and Heather has become an important member of Team Purcell not only in her house or because her title is "Mom" but because she has genuinely earned a place in our home as well, and Nola loves seeing her walk through our door.

11. I </3 Excel, and use it 40+ hours a week. *head.desk.repeat*

12. I break cell phones like its my job.

13. My camera should be permanently implanted where my right hand is.

14. If you ask me "where do you want to go for lunch?" I will ALWAYS say Nathan's at the Galleria, and ALWAYS order their South Western Chipotle Chicken Wrap. Screw you Friday's, Outback, Chili's, etc...

15. I need to learn how to cry.

16. I watch scary movies through my fingers, and only put up with them so I can sit on Sean's lap. ( But...not REALLY scary movies. Only mildly-we're-going-to-lie-and-tell-Colie-this-movie-was-horrific-to-make-her-feel-like-a-big-girl Movies.)

17. I have like 321674116574 jobs, and love them all.

18. Finding Nemo on repeat for 6 hours, was the best date I ever had <3

19. I watched, photographed, and aided in a child birth *holding a foot* I'm practically a Doctor.

20. I rock myself to sleep, and it used to drive Sean CrAzY, but secretly..... I think he enjoys it now and misses it when I'm not home.

Day 08- I'm abandoning ship

I am a horrible blogger when set to a schedule, and as proof....I'm abandoning ship on this 25 days of songs. LOL

Day 07- A song that reminds you of the past summer

Summer 2012:

Grey's Anatomy theme song. Many a date night spent watching this and snuggling <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAIs3tUYOi4