This Guy ♡

I cannot believe how different life looks, from a year ago.

I don't remember life without this little guy. But, I remember being horrified that he was created and on his way.

I remember all the reasons.

I was scared to lose my body again.
I was scared we couldn't afford another.
I was scared to lose the sleep, I had just regained.

I still don't love my body.
I still don't have extra money.
I still don't sleep well.

But, Lord.
Look at this boy.
Look at our family.

Did you ever see anything so perfect, or complete?

Yea, me neither.  ♡

Our (not so) Little Lady

I know she's difficult  to see, but Nola is tangled up in my arms and that blanket.

These days don't happen as frequently as they used to, or as much as I'd like them to.

She's getting so big, and she's always been very independent.

But, lately she will come to me and askeep for a snuggle,  or a kiss, or....for anything, really.

And I know she is so patient with how much attention her baby brother requires.

So when she asks.....I know she needs it. I know she has been a good girl and waited so patientlyrics and she just needs her Mommy or Daddy too.

(Because, she is till our Little Lady.....no matter how stinking tall she gets!)

She asks how my day was, she reminds us to get gas, she tells the boys to charge their phones, and makes sure Artax has food and water.

Such a nurturing sould, she has. Always making sure everyone has what they need and that they are prepared.

I love her. Her twirls. And, her beautiful heart.

They Aren't So Little Anymore

Sean and I have explained on numerous occasions to the boys why he and I are together, how we came to be. Never in much detail. It was never really asked of us.

One night this week, I had put the tiny two to bed, and the boys were finishing up a drink and brushing their teeth in the bathroom, as I readied myself for bed across the hall.

Holden walked into my room, as he normally does, but instead of hugging me and going about his travels to his own bed....he plopped down on mine. I looked at him sideways, and he grinned.

Gavin waved at me as he began to pass (you know, the cool preteen that he is, sometimes he skips the goodnight kisses.) our bedroom door....caught himself mid stride, having realized Holden didn't look like he was making any progress on getting to the third floor, and he plopped, too.

Then.....they talked. 

They talked like I've never had them speak to me before.

They asked questions about so many things. They asked about my life before I met their Daddy. They asked about Sean and Heather together. They asked why they ended up apart. They asked about marriage, and divorce. They asked about my parents. They asked about Seans parents.

So.
Many.
Questions.

But...
Then, even more unexpected than the asking...

They started to SHARE.
They shared with me about their first memories. Some happy, some sad. So many I didn't expect. They think about things, that are deeper than I realized they do.

Gavin remembered meeting me.
That....well that about killed me.
I tried to resist the crying, because it freaks him out. (Aspergers + preteen = please dont cry in front of me, I get all spastic)

But, alas. I could not. I knew it was coming. Knew I couldn't hold it for long. I held out as long as I could, in my defense.

I finally gulped the air, and it caught in a firey pocket in my throat, burning at me to shed my tears and hold him. And he shocked me by rubbing my back, and not being freaked out at all.

He let me go, I wiped my eyes...and we all just continued.

It lasted over 2 hours. Stories, memories, and me being able to explain things a little more because the age appropriate-ness has changed. They're not so little these days.

It may have been one of my top three memories with each of them. (Third only to the day I met each of them, and the separate days that I *knew* I was a Mama to each of them. The day something changed and I knew we were family).

I don't think I'll ever forget how I felt once they did finally hug and kiss me, and adventure to their room. While it was happening, I knew it was special. And once it was over, I wanted to jar the magic they had left in the room behind them. They had no idea the gift they had just given to me.

And, someday, at their graduation party, or maybe their wedding reception....maybe I'll retell the tale ♡

Rewind to December

December started with a BANG! with #Teampurcell sending Gavin off for his first surgery. {It was also, the first "big" event that four adult members of the team, gathered for one of the boys}

Not to be out done, Holden decided shortly thereafter that he too, would enjoy some medical attention. Appendicitis?  Nahh, just full of sh!t.

December saw another year of decorating, and making holiday memories (like the annual event of Artax wearing her ugly Christmas tree sweater)

We survived the black out that literally occured jusssssst after the tree went up, and the gingerbread house was finished.

Sean and I {FINALLY} got a minivan, and depleted Allllll the Christmas  finances, just in time for Santa to feel like a schmuck.

Gav-man turned 12, and has expensive taste for anything-goes-Birthday-Dinner now. Though....I still don't  understand how..... he is still the little tyke that chased me around a park in Goshen and demanded we get ice cream after, and wouldn't let me leave the parking lot ♡ Oh...and a Star Wars thing happened, and they were all excited, and blah blah, #iloveyouiknow and stuff.

We went on our annual drive to see Christmas  lights after dinner for Gavs  birthday, because that's another perk of being born a week before Christmas. And....we all fit in a vehicle :0)

We put out cookies, we listened to music, and Santa even called! Holden deemed it the "Best Christmas Ever!" on that fact alone. 

 We wore short and dressed without tights, because Christmas Eve was in the 70's!

Santa came and even though we wished we could have done more... they were so genuinely happy. Each year I tell myself to scale back, because  we want them to remember WHY Christmas is special, and not for the gifts. And this year, they really taught me...they get it. And they are genuinely  gracious  and thankful kiddos.

 And, we took two family photos, that mean more to me than I could express. Both for very, very different reasons. 

Goodbye & Hello

This year can best be summed up by the Pins that I always find myself looking  at in moments when I need them.

Some are deep. Some real. Some just funny.

Some about lost/changed friendships. Some about new, unexpected friendships. Some about the depth of Motherhood. Some about how you have to bend and change in marriage, and constantly  get to know one another again. Some about the adventures  to come on my new, & upcoming, career  move. And sone about needing to own a minivan.